The First Step to Self Respect: Own Your Stuff

With all the gentleness in my heart, I say to you, that if you do not own your problems, your mistakes, or how you behave- you will never overcome the hardships of life. If you cling to your victim mentality, blaming every inconvenience for your thoughts and reactions, you will stay stuck for the rest of your life.

So how do you own your stuff?

1. Recognize that you will ALWAYS have something to own.

   Whether it is a thought, a comment, or a reaction. We are imperfect beings every single day. That means there is room for improvement.

side note: If you truly do not believe you need to improve on anything, I invite you to google narcissism; Not because I think you are one (you definitely could be) but sometimes people take on narcissistic traits because of how they were raised, who they associate with, and unhealed traumas in their life. A true narcissist will never come to realization because they would have to own their mistakes. If you are reading this blog, chances are you're not a narcissist, but it's important to have knowledge about these traits so you don't replicate them.

2. Take every thought captive.

   So often our thoughts are subconscious. We are on autopilot and we don't slow down to challenge what we think. Ask yourself questions about your thoughts. Why does this person bother me so much? Why did their comment make me so upset? How come I get so frustrated when someone doesn't answer me right away?

   
   

   These are things I struggled with and had to slow down to think about WHY I didn't like it, instead of ACCEPTING it as a real problem.

   
   

   fact: People's reactions and behaviours are not personal. It is never about you, it is about them.

3. Accept the responsibility of your reactions.

   It is hard to apologize for our behaviour when we can justify it based on what triggered our response. Even if the other party is in the wrong, you are the only person who controls you. You can't control them, but you CAN control you. This is where self-respect starts to show up. Respect yourself by learning self-control so when you are in these situations where you want to snap back, ignore, confront, or control, you are calm, collected, and those around you start to notice.

   
   

   What is so good about people noticing your self-respect?

   1. You can only treat others as well as you treat yourself. People notice how you respect yourself.

   2. A person who notices you respecting yourself will respect you also. It isn't earned, it's learned.

   
   
   
   

   Love,

   Cher

   
   
   
   

   

   Pictured: a 20-something year old me, light painting at 2am in my backyard.